Have You Know ME?

Have you know my stories?
In a glimpse of my present, what way would you see me?
A temper? A sad? A cheerful person?
Have you ask me how i was?
Have you not wonder the path i'm walking?
The tears i shed...the blood i bled
Do you know how to appear myself to you like this?
The mask i wear each day so you won't judge me?
But then again, have you know my stories?
Do you even know ME?

A black goodbye

I've said my goodbyes...many times
Yesterday was perhaps my last one
Emotion after emotion...which grown along this -so called- lesson of life.
It started as simple as life itself should be
"I love you..."

But it contains three complicated things
Love, what it was that it just so blinded me to think i could go the distance, against all odds even God? Was love a mental madness that human concealed deep down inside their sanity?

You, who were you and who you are? Once you were the man who would fight dragons for me...with a simple kiss you could ease all my worries and the fear of not able to have you for the rest of my life.
And now...you are the man who turned your back on me...tearing my world apart, leaving me empty with a simple words of goodbye.
I never asked you to choose me. But the moment you took my hand you should known better...
And the decision of your logics to leave me for the sake of your -so called- perfect institution it was just a masquerade you put on to hide your selfish ego.

I, was and perhaps still love you. As they told me time will heal all wounds. But can they cure love?
I've been divided my soul as one person who loves you with the person who hates you as much as the fish hates open air.
A minute i feel like to hurt you so bad, the a minute after that i just want to see you smile again, even if you are not with me anymore.
You are a mean person, they said.
You never did see me cry for every wrong thing you did to me and i do pray that someday God somehow would let you see that in His own way.
But what everyone didn't know was you were the person...i love.
As bad and wrong you are...i LOVE you.
All i want to hear from you...was it all just a lie?
You  remain silent, a coward who just got his card all opened up in the table.
Now all you have is the bluff...
Just break the silence...
You hurt me so bad...
Goddbye, lucky number seven
You need all the luck in your life since now i won't be part of it anymore.

Now you want me...now you don't
Yesterday you don't want me, today you want me
How about this, Babe? See my butt walking out on you

I can't do this anymore, Lord...help me

Doom

I'm so scared, Father.
All these come back to haunt me and give me restless nights.
How i long for the truth to be revealed though it might shattered the perfect mirror they have on me.
I forgave...
I surrender...
What more he want for me?

Run!

Run!

There's nothing you can do
Just...run....!

Suicidal

Mengapa rasanya hari ini sakit itu terasa tak tertahankan.
Membaca sepenggal percakapan masa lalu kita.
Hebatnya kau menampilkan dirimu sebagai sosok yang mencintai.
Bodohnya aku mendiamkan logikaku.
Kata mereka aku harus tampil lebih hebat sekarang...
Lebih bahagia untuk membuatmu terpuruk.
Tapi kenyataan duniaku berantakan dan hatiku hancur.
Bagaimana menampilkan diriku bukan sebagai wanita yang kau sakiti begitu dalam?
Bagaimana mengubur kenangan aku sebagai wanita yang mencintaimu terlalu dalam?
Ingin kumusnahkan kau dari muka bumi ini.
Aku bisa menghancurkanmu sekarang bersama orang-orang yang kau cintai.
Karena pasti kau berpikir aku bukan wanita jahat.
Mungkin kau salah...
Aku bisa melakukannya dan kemudian mengakhiri semua.
Itu semua karena aku merasa tak ada yang membelaku.
Bahkan aku takut meminta Tuhan membalasmu.
Karena kau bebas sekarang, tak menyadari akibat dari perbuatanmu.
Hari ini aku ingin mengakhiri hidupku.
Karena itu aku menunggu esok hari.
Karena siapa tahu aku berubah pikiran...